Gaara's Inflatable Crayon Adventure
by Ivonovna
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Gaara got his hands on an inflatable crayon? The result is an evil mastermind care bear and spaztic Kankuro. Please be aware there is extreme OOCness. No one is spared. R&R! Rated for creepiness.


A.N. This story is a tribute to my day at the fair, which was awesome. When my friend and I won giant inflatable crayons, it gave me an idea. This is what this idea produced. Don't blame me, blame the weird green crap I ate yesterday. Extremely stupid one shot/ OOC pretty much everything.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did, then Gaara would really do this.

DanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaBATMAN

It was a rather normal day, with the sky being blue and a slightly warm breeze. This was the day Gaara and Kankuro had decided to take a walk for reasons unknown. Coming up off of a hill, they continued walking. All of a sudden, something caught their eyes.

"Gaara, what's that?" Kankuro asked, wary of the foreign object in front of them.

"I don't know." He replied, bending over to inspect it. It was long and yellow, and the ends of it were orange. The bottom was flat, but the top ended in a blunt point. More importantly, it was...squishy. He picked it up.

"This is most interesting, I've never seen anything like it." He picked it up. All of a sudden, smoke erupted, shrouding the sky and his near surroundings. The last he he heard before he blacked out was,

"Hey, Gaara! I wanted to let you know that three months ago, it was I who spiked your cookie!"

"What the-" But he was too late, the blackness finally took over his vision.

Upon waking up, he heard earsplitting cheers. 'What..happened?' He thought. This was rather odd.

"The challengers have awoken! Place your bets!" Came a booming voice from overhead. Gaara slowly opened his eyes, and tilted his head upwards. What he saw scarred him. It was..

A care bear dressed in a toga, with a crown of olive leaves around its head.

"Oh. My. God. A care bear. IT MAKES MY EYES BLEED! SOMEONE HELP ME! OH GOD. OH GOD. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Came Kankuros panicked voice from next to him.

'If I was to get stuck here with someone, it had to be Kankuro.' Thought Gaara, mildly pissed off. He picked himself up, and turned around to face the horror that threatened them all.

"Why was I brought here? And where exactly IS here?" Gaara demanded impatiently.

"I have brought you here so that you and your companion may fight with these giant, inflatable crayons . To the death.

"Well, that was rather cryptic." Said Kankuro.

"And why do you wish for us to do this?" Gaara inquired. The care bear narrowed its eyes.

"Individual thought is not permitted!" The care bear hissed in a low, raspy voice. Gaara's expression went blank, and Kankuro fell to the ground foaming at the mouth, twitching uncontrollably. Gaara stared on, unfazed.

"Why should I do this? I by no means have to participate in this...abnormal activity." Gaara said defiantly. He did not want to fight with a crayon. Especially since he was ordered to do it by a care bear. He didn't care about Kankuro though.

"Umm...You win a cookie?" The care bear guessed. Heck, he didn't think ahead. He just thought that the hostages would be compliant. At the mention of cookies, Gaara's eyes glazed over.

"Deal." Gaara had no second thoughts after the thought of winning a cookie.

Kankuro, oblivious, was still laying on the ground, gurgling, but no longer foaming.

"Kankuro, prepare yourself." Kankuro shot up from the ground, immediately at attention.

"Huh?" He said. Ah yes, the ever witty Kankuro. They heard a faint whooshing, and giant crayons descended from the sky.

"What the hell?" Kankuro said. Gaara eyed them, and then picked one up.

"Uh, Gaara? What're you doing?" Kankuro asked nervously. Gaara's expression was scaring Kankuro, who promptly wet his pants.

"What's this for?" Kankuro pushed it away with his toe.

"We fight with them." Gaara replied.

"Okay?" Kankuro picked one up and turned around to face Gaara.

"NOW, WHEN I SAY 'POOFY PAJAMA PANTS', YOU SHALL FIGHT!" The care bear said from overhead. Gaara gave the care bear an odd look, as if it were slightly retarded. (A.N. And it was.)

"But I-" Kankuro began.

"POOFY PAJAMA PANTS, LET THE FIGHTING COMMENCE!" The care bear boomed.

Gaara lept out at Kankuro, and took a swipe at him.

"Holy shit Gaara!" Kankuro cried. Gaara just looked on.

"GO FOR THE JUGULAR!" Came a voice from the crowd.

"Fine, if that's how it is...then I shall beat you!" Kankuro said boldly. With that, he charged at Gaara.

As Kankuro jumped in the air, he spun around and whipped his crayon out at Gaara, who blocked his attack with a quick jab. He faked an attack, which Kankuro tried to dodge, but Gaara swung up his crayon and smacked Kankuro in the face with it. Kankuro went flying in the air, and coming down, he twirled just before the ground and he became close friends. It was about a good sixteen feet before he stopped skidding. Gaara stood triumphantly, proud of his work. Kankuro let out a grunt as he pulled himself off the ground, ready to stop Gaara once and for all. Gaara, seeing Kankuro get up, lunged again. Kankuro was able to retaliate this time, spinning it above his head before attaching a chakra thread to it and throwing it out at his brother. Gaara, unprepared, was hit in the stomach by the offending object, which had taken the air out of him.

"Dammit Kankuro!" He groaned. Stupid ass care bear. Stupid ass addiction to cookies. Ack. He was just to much of a sucker to give up.

Kankuro, who had thought the fight over, stood above Gaara, holding the blunt end of the crayon to his elbow.

"Kankuro?"

"Yes?"

"That's not my throat, you freaking idiot."

"I know." Replied Kankuro, a bit too happily. You and your silly fetish for elbows, Kankuro.

Gaara knew that any attempt Kankuro may make to win was futile, so he swung his legs to kick Kankuro's legs out from under him. Kankuro fell to the ground, his crayon flying away in the wind.

Gaara stood up, and looming over Kankuro, pointed his crayon threateningly at his throat.

"It seems as though I have won, brother." Gaara said, a smug look on his face.

"FINISH HIM!" Yelled the random spectator. Gaara pulled back his crayon.

"Thank you Gaara!" Kankuro cried in relief. "I love you!" Gaara's eye twitched. He slammed his crayon into Kankuro's face again.

"PWNED!" Gaara jumped in the air, holding his crayon in the air in a victorious manner. A small line of drool escaped Kankuro's lips, as he stared blankly at the scene.

"We have a winner!" The care bear yelled. Gaara eyed him warily. This was getting a bit too creepy. The care bear took out a cookie, pulled his arm back, and whipped it at Gaara.

When Gaara woke up, he would say he had been tired. But the truth was, the cookie was moving at ludicrous speed, and he had just been unaware.

The cookie's path was on a direct way to Gaara's forehead, and when it reached its destination, it beaned him, leaving a bruise. Gaara's eyes rolled back, and he fell unconscious. 'Not again.' Was his last thought.

Gaara felt an incessant poking in his side as he was waking up.

"Will whoever's doing that stop." Gaara demanded. He opened his eyes, and Kankuro was squatting there, poking him with a giant crayon.

"Kankuro?"

"Yes, Gaara?"

"Why are you poking me with a giant inflatable crayon?"

"You were asleep for five days, so I thought poking you non-stop with this would wake you up."

(A.N. Another display of the vast intelligence we all know Kankuro has.)

"And why a giant crayon?"

"It was either that or the cucumber. And you know how you hate cucumbers." Kankuro gestured to a random cucumber laying on the ground a few feet away.

Gaara's eye gave an involuntary twitch.

FLASHBACK

_Gaara was sitting in his chair, feeling hungry. As he gazed around the kitchen, he spotted a cucumber laying passively on the counter. ' Well, a cucumber would taste nice.' thought Gaara. He slid out of his chair and approached the cucumber. If only he knew that under the outward innocence was a void of evil. As he reached out for it, the cucumber flew into the air. Gaara stared at it with a shocked expression. The cucumber began to violently assault him. Gaara yelled for it to stop, but it wouldn't as it was beating him black and blue. The cucumber sharpened itself on the counter, and turned around, menacingly pointing itself at Gaara's throat. _

"_Wait! Cucumber, before you kill me, could you at least tell me your name?" Gaara asked._

"_..." The cucumber paused before answering, "Fredrick..uh..Fredrick..Cheesecake. Fredrick Cheesecake. That's my name." _

"_And why are you trying to kill me?" Gaara asked again._

"_Because you killed my sister!" It screamed at him in fury. _

"_I did...?" Said Gaara thoughtfully. _

Please excuse this flashback within a flashback, and in case you're getting tired of these oh so frequent flashbacks, I shall play some calming classical music. On to the story

**Having a sudden mean streak, Gaara picked up a random cucumber on the table and threw it into a boiling pot of water. **

End of flashback

Other previous flashback

"_Ah yes, that cucumber."_

"_Yes. Now I shall kill you."_

"_NEVER! " Gaara yelled. He would not yield to the cucumber._

_He reached into some back pocket of his, and pulled out his ultimate weapon. _

_The last words the cucumber heard was "TOOTHPICK NO JUTSU!" As it was impaled upon a toothpick through its middle. _

_Gaara looked down at it smirking. He picked it up and took a bit out of it. _

"_Hey, its crunchy!" _

End flashback

"Let's leave it at that." Gaara said.

"Yes." Kankuro agreed.

When they reached their home, they found Temari on the computer.

"Temari, what are you doing?"

"Searching The Google!" Temari replied.

Needless to say, Gaara and Kankuro refrained from asking Temari what she was doing on the Internet ever again.

Yes, its was a random idea. Thank you to Sorami-san being a great editor, and to BCN for a line in this fic. Now you know what giant inflatable crayons do to your mind. Read and Review or I will sick Gaara with a giant inflatable crayon on you. As well as tape a cookie to your forehead. Chaos will ensue.

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End file.
